Pension Problems

 Dear Elfrieda,

My Dad got involved with some very bad people in 2013. The people he started drinking with were severe alcoholics. At that time, he was still driving his Ford Explorer which my Mom paid for. Unfortunately, he crashed his vehicle and a DUI charge impounded his vehicle. The problem with my Dad is that he thought these people, he got involved with, were his friends. We were told that one of the worst women, from the group, extorted money from my Mom's 92 year old father. She was a babysitter. Then, we were told that this same woman, living in Meadows West, somehow started stealing my Dad's pension funds. We aren't sure how she manipulated her way into his life to leave him destitute and relying on me to provide for him. Now, he is getting into another bad relationship with another terrible woman who is threatening me and my family with violent intent. My son is not safe all day long because people come into my house, unbidden, and strange people have taken charge of my house. I am so afraid every day. Fornication has taken place and my son is terrified and crying. We don't get to eat when and if we want to because the crazy people who come here threaten us... the homeowners! This morning a crazy woman required my son to beg for his food, as if he is a dog. These problems are so huge, I don't know where to begin to deal with them. Do I ask my Dad to find his own place to live so his 'friends and family' won't come here?

                                                                          Three troubled sons

Dear Sons,

I will tell you how I kept my life under control when I was raising my three sons. We didn't have these problems in the house, ever. I didn't invite people into my house that thought they could manipulate me and steal from me and lie. That was a golden rule I lived by. My sons were not molested because I was the 'tiger at the door' guarding my family. This was always Rule #1- If you intend to do harm, you don't come into the house. That needs to be your method of keeping yourself safe. Rule #2- When you're in my house, you follow my rules of respect. For instance, a very young Alex was invited, by my youngest son, to play video games. He came in the back door and I gave him the rules. "Hi, I'm your friends' Mom and we have a Christian principles home which means, no swearing, lying, stealing, or fighting. I know when you play video games the swearing is out of control but please respect each other if the video game is really bad. I'm just baking cookies and I'll bring a plate downstairs when they're ready." 

Now, let's apply these principles to the Dad that my kids grew up with. He never brought people into the home, that only he knew, ... never. I'll tell you why that is. He always said, the people I know aren't very good people. They aren't the kind you'd want your children to be exposed to. That is wise. He knew you don't expose your children to these kinds of people.

So, if you have a Dad that is not following these safety principles, you will have to ask him to find a place to live that is safe for him, making things safe for you. If your Dad has terrible relatives, (some people do), he can decide if he wants them to come to his place, instead of yours. Now, getting the pension funds back from a criminal alcoholic babysitter is going to require a lawyer. If that person stole from your Dad, you could try confronting with a pastor or a willing witness. If Dave and Janet (It used to be Dick and Jane), stole the pension funds, get a lawyer. You are responsible for the financial well- being of your child, by law, by ethics, by moral obligation.

                                                             Hoping this helps you make wiser decisions