Wednesday, May 16, 2018


Relationships... that is all I think about... from the foundation of what I believe... what I experience... what I find myself in disagreement with in a conversation with someone I know well enough to feel I should be able to speak freely to... what I find myself in agreement with in a conversation with someone especially if it bridges logic with emotion in a moment of insightfulness neither person plans to happen but, happily, it just does...
what a winding road.
In a world where most people parcel off rules for each relationship into a vastly different package for each relationship... it is sometimes amazing anything ever gets done or accomplished. If you're lucky enough to have a relationship long enough to get to the messy parts where you find these things out... a door may open or close, depending on the openness of individuals, and this is also a turning point. Opportunity for growth can happen at this point. It is up to each person, of course.
Here's a note I have kept for a few years now... the short relationship had this little conversation... 
Man to Woman- "I expect more from you than from me."
Woman to Man- "Yes, I am aware of that."
To this very day I have not known exactly what I think about this. I am the woman this was told to and, ironically, I do remember being very matter of fact about the comment from this particular man. Maybe it was the crazy honesty of such a statement that just has kept me in this state of limbo as to how I feel about someone who would have the courage to say that. See, most people don't know themselves well enough to say that to another person and very few, indeed, would have the unadorned frankness to put this out there for another person to think about... never mind try to address. My response was very immediate at the time but I did write it down on a note to think about... in a world where not too much surprises us... this surprised me in its honesty and I have often wondered if the statement comes from a place where pride does not exist. Just plain honesty. I do remember that I was not offended... I just knew it to be true.
People I meet, many of them, often tell me that a relationship must be fair and equal. I smile and think...
I like to give from the expansion of my heart... and each day I hope my heart is expanding in that good way.
The sun was so bright two days ago I took this photo without being able to see if it was going to be any good at all but I braced the phone on the ground and could just see this little flower in the center and took a snapshot. I left the photo untouched this time... I thought it turned out just perfectly... you can see the beginnings of spring just pushing through all that dead grass and dried leaves. The flower is about the size of my fingernail... very small... but it stood out in the vastness of nature on this day. Bloom something, anything you can from your relationships. I am going to appreciate anything I can from each one.

Friday, April 13, 2018


My eyesight is giving me huge problems this year... today is a bad day so far and I will admit that I do not always handle difficulties with the steadfastness that I would have imagined, many years ago, would have become faith foundational. My plant growing, this year, has given me the most encouragement from the seeds that I gathered last year to the plants that have completely surprised me by growing from these tiny little, almost invisible, bits of promise. Some of the seeds that were outside all winter in the dried up pods from the previous year were one of the little experiments that I threw on top of some soil and waited patiently to see if they would grow. I had long given up on them... well, not completely or else I would have stopped watering them... right? So, according to the normal germination time... I should have given up on them but I guess I stick with things a long time... probably a habit of not wishing to give up on something. It takes a lot of patience to get seeds from gathering to germination to watering the soil to waiting for signs of life to that day when a seed bursts through its hard shell and a little green sprout can be spotted and the nurturing of that little plant begins. Almost all gardening is an exercise in patience and gentleness. Good exercise for all of us... do it gently.

Thursday, April 12, 2018

The Vanity of Life

Like a passing shadow... we are all just like a passing shadow... we toil, we worry, it is amazing how much we have to plan for... we have to plan for day to day... we try to plan for our futures never knowing if we will even have one... then we plan for the futures of our families... and, as Ecclesiastes reminds me always... many days it seems like all is meaningless.
If it is my job and your job to find meaning in life... every day if we possibly can... how do we do it?
Disciplines... I have a few disciplines. Maybe the vanity of life is that it must be lived. Yesterday I was going to write about what is worthwhile. Today I am still writing about the same thing from the negative perspective perhaps. After all, for something to be meaningless, it does not seem to be worthwhile. So, why still get up each day and have a go at it then?
One simple reason is... you have to fill the day... do something or don't... each day must be filled. Of course, those of us who were raised quite some years ago were taught to do it well if you're going to do it at all. So we do our best.
We make something delicious... share it... we plant things... watch them grow... this can be so exciting to watch in a long, long, winter.
It should be a little telling that one of the wealthiest men in history teaches us about the vanity of life... from his rather endowed perspective.
I still believe that some people can handle wealth and some people cannot... but the saddest thing for me is that so few people recognize wealth when they see it for they do not know what it is.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018


... can be beaten with enough imagination. Huh! Do your taxes and all imaginations will fade.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

So Foolish

Have you ever just felt so foolish because of things you thought might be true or might happen?
Some days, like today, I feel really foolish. I hope this passes. It's awful.

Thursday, March 8, 2018


"Don't settle for a 'good guy' when God intended for you to have a Godly man."
So, one day, recently, I laid out a fleece before the Lord to see if a relationship I was in was good for me and going in the right direction. Lo and behold, it was a surprising result to that prayer fleece that day. I was cautious because there were many other gaps in the relationship that we had identified as being, possibly, insurmountable if one of us wasn't willing to make a fairly big change. Should he become more religious or should I become less religious? I am using the term 'religious' here for a very basic meaning of trying to live out the Christian faith. Now, what does it mean to live out the Christian faith? What does it mean for me? What does it mean for him?
Does the quote, "..., because you always conceive religion as connected with ethics." spark a conversation between us or bore him? When I read this quote this week, in the book by G.K. Chesterton, The Everlasting Man... I was fascinated by the information because I have always believed that religion and ethics cannot be separated but, according to this author some religion 'has really nothing to do with ethics.' 
For the Christian faith, religion and ethics go hand in hand. In conversation, I have often had the reply, "Well, the Bible says...," as my authoritative response, wisdom response, and just the thoughtful response that comes to mind. I would think that a man who finds that appealing would be one sign of compatibility.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Impossible Situations

It seems most of us are all stuck in impossible situations. It is very difficult to know what to do in, seemingly, impossible situations.